Clouds in my bathroom...

Before I start posting my most depressed pictures heres one of me with squirty cream from a few weeks back.. Just spotted it in a folder which Rory and I have not actually taken a look through yet so in my "usual" photoshopping the only thing which has been done to it is tweaking the lighting and stuff because I was too lazy to do anything else and because there is a ton of dishes waiting to get cleaned...

Well although i have officially been on a break you can't really keep a camera away from me. Here are some Rory shot of me earlier this week just using the light available in the bathroom, a toilet roll tube and a candle holder..

Its hard to explain how I have been feeling in words recently - I know chances are there is nothing to worry about but there is that 1% of doubt in my mind that things aren't going to turn out for the best and its during these doubting moments that I'm at my lowest ebb. No matter how many people say "everything will work out ok" I have trouble believing them, although I like to think of a glass as being half full this week I have been thinking its half empty.

A day with Barrie :-)

Still no news about when I have to visit the hospital for tests which is a shame because I hate living in Limbo although this week has been much better than the end of last week was. Anyway here are some images Barrie kindly sent me over from our shoot last week, I had a wicked day with him at the beach and really like some of the pictures he has sent me over..

I fell over and got a slight injury while shooting with him, over a week later and I still have a bruise just a good job its not sore and I don't have to worry about covering it up for anyone because I'm having a little break until the dark cloud has gone away from over my head...

I wish I could give a long list of things I have been up to - make it sound more exciting like Bink's blog or something but afraid other than tea/toast and occasional trips to the local shops nothing much exciting has happened this week to speak about..

xxxx

A day with Barrie :-)

not as positive as I would have hoped..

Well yesterday was not good, need to go for some more tests but staying positive, taking at least the next couple of weeks off modelling well i wont be working with anyone but I'm feeling kind of inspired at the moment to do some emotive self portraits but today I don't have the energy so I will do it another day when I have the will to get out of bed..

*shakes herself off and smiles*

xxxx

My weekend in York..

So heres a run down of last weekends events, as always I will include the bad stuff...

We left Perth at about 3.30 had a fairly chilled out trip down, as usual we took our time and stopped off a fair bit. We finally got to our hotel in Leeds at about 11pm.. Had to walk 10 minutes from the car park to get to the hotel and took us about 3 or 4 trips around Leeds to actually find the 20 story hotel but we made it.

We checked in and I mentioned to Rory that it smelled a little bit weird throughout the hotel, almost like a sewer or drainage problem but it wasn't too strong in the hallways.. It was bloody knockout in the bedrooms though, the bedroom has fag burns in the dated old carpet.. We done a quick shoot even though I thought I was going to be sick, I tried covering the smell with perfume and opening the windows after all we couldn't go anywhere because we had a wedding to go to first thing in the morning.. I really couldnt handle the smell so ended up going to reception, they told me they had no other rooms and I just asked for my money back which they gave me but no apologies for the room smelling like shit. So anyone travelling to Leeds - NEVER EVER stay in the Park Plaza, they do not deserve their 4 * status at all the place is a stinky dive in desperate need of a plumber and cleaner.

So 1.30am comes around and we are still hotel'less, we decided to just find a travel in and cross our fingers. We found one but he said it was fully booked the receptionist called a few other places but they were also all booked.. He must have felt sorry for us because he gave us a room which technically should not have been rented out, it had a plumbing problem and smelled a little like smelly feet which I could and would just have to deal with, it was cheap and had a clean bed in it.

So the day of my Cousins wedding had arrived, Rory and I needed a shower and a bit of chill out time so met up with my mum and dad at their hotel and got ready there, it was the hotel where the reception was talking place so perfect really.

The wedding itself was in York Minster, absolutely gorgeous building and now the whole family know what its like being a tourist attraction as when we were leaving the minster there was at least 30/40 tourists taking pictures of the wedding party. It was like being at some really badly organised groupshoot lol.

Here is a little shot of the Happy couple - my little cousin Jacqueline and her Hubby Aaron, they make a fantastic couple and both Rory and I were delighted to be invited to help celebrate their big day. I do wish their happiness continues for many years to come!

Here is me and the mothership and fathership, Glad dad made it down to the wedding as his health has not been great recently.

Anyway today is a big day for me, I'm of to go get something checked out at the Drs.. I have been pretty worried about it but I'm sure everything will turn out ok in the end. I had a shoot with Barrie Spence yesterday which really took my mind off the examination im having today, we went to the beach and had a fabulous time together.

Right time for me to go have a cup of tea... fingers crossed my next blog will be a really positive upbeat one.

xxxxxx

From my time with Nick Giles

Here are some images from my shoot with Nick which was back in July. We had a fun few hours doing these and I really like them especially the one in the doorway which I guess would have only worked for me because I actually could fit the whole doorway by stretching up.

Thanks Nick

x

Self portraits - moan and Publication

Well I will start off with the good things which is 2 of my own self portraits (above and below). I hurt my back at the weekend pretty badly, had to leave work and was in a hell of alot of pain, it happened suddenly but thankfully the pain has eased off a little now. I have been doing more self portraits, this time I used the flash. Only played about for 20 minutes, I was getting frustrated and its difficult to focus on a white wall and see what the composition is going to be like when there is nothing to see in the view finder so it was a bit of trial and error but I'm pleased with how they turned out especially the first one, I love the space and the body just coming into shot... Wasn't really intended but glad that it by mistake happened!

Next up is one from Rory.. I kinda think its a little bit pretty!
Lastly (and before my moan) is an image of Rory and I's which was recently printed in the LANZA summer newsletter, we are submitting the images from this shoot into a magazine soon so fingers crossed they get accepted. Even if It doesn't make it into print I will still be super chuffed that we all came together and created a set of images we are all equally proud of.

Now I will end with my moan which is maybe slightly more controversial than my last blog but its something I really can't hold in any longer. I'm a social butterfly, I speak to many people which includes models/photographers and muas. I have heard way too many bad stories about one photographer in particular not just recently but even when I started I was told to avoid him like the plague - even if I was not told to avoid him I would have anyway because I'm not a fan of his work but his name keeps coming up in conversations (usually with other models) and they have all experienced the same problems but at the time thought he was a well respected photographer and that any negative comments would reflect badly on the model rather than him. It makes me feel sick hearing model after model tell me about him, I'm not a violent person but I would make an exception just for him.

Sometimes I feel like screaming at the models just because I know they are the only people who can actually speak out about him, they are the ones who can make a difference. I can type till im blue in the face but it makes no difference they have to air their experiences so that people like him wont be accepted on internet modelling websites.

If there is any models reading this - be it Scottish/English it doesn't matter just be honest with references because it helps protect other models from being in a similar situation to what you were in. Don't let these creepy perverts get away with it.

Although I'm only talking about one Scottish photographer here the same story can be said about many of them, they think being a photographer can get them a quickie with some young slightly silly model and the sad thing is that some models are flattered for the attention and don't realise its not special treatment its the way he works with most models. Please please please be careful girls

xxxxx

Is it really all about the money?

Howdy all...

With this blog I have attached some new stuff by Rory, he has been experimenting with light recently in the front room so I have been his little model. I was experimenting myself actually with some more erh shall we say 'open legged poses' ofcourse some of the poses I done last night were showing a little too much so I'm glad I have practiced some new poses to learn what works for my body and what doesn't. Thanks to Rory for doing such a superb job :-D

xs1111§

So anyway I will get down to the reason this blog has the title "is it really all about the money?"

Ever since I started modelling I have had friends/family/fellow models and photographers all ask the same question "did you get paid/are you getting paid for that", not sure if I'm alone but I think its a very rude question to ask. I'm not secretive but it seems like any answer other than "yes" gives people an eyebrow reaction as if they disapprove of me for only doing something for the experience/images.

In the past month 3 people have said something along the lines of "it doesn't matter as long as you were paid", which I find as insulting as the question - did you get paid?. Not sure if this post makes much sense but its just something which has been bothering me. Yes there are some people who wouldn't get out of bed unless someone pays them but I'm not one of them people, I don't work with creeps just because they are paying me nor do I work with people who I don't think are capable of taking a decent picture - That does not mean I will not work with beginner photographers, if someone has a passion for what they are creating and they are polite and want to learn or get better then I would be delighted if they thought I would be able to help them with there projects.. What I will NOT do is work with someone who has been shooting for apparently 15-20-30 years and still can't compose/expose an image, people who do think their work has no flaws.. Everyones work has flaws but most people (myself included) have no problem admitting the flaws.

I'm sure photographers must get this question too - be it when they have been published or they have shot a non streotypical looking model or family portraits for the experience. I understand people have to pay bills, heck I have loads waiting to be paid but for some people money really does make the world go round.

So does it make me less of a professional not to be obsessed with money? does it make me more of a hobbiest model just because I care more about the images than a wad of cash?

Yes most of what I do is paid bookings but that doesn't mean I will throw principles out the window and shoot any old shit, I strive to be a better model and to help as many people as I possibly can. I will never be a millionaire or be a highly published model but I'm happy with what I'm doing and know that tomorrow I wont see bad images of me shot by a gwc floating about online.

Fuck money - fuck doing things for money

they say money doesn't make you happy, it just makes it a little easier.

I started all this as a way to get out the house and help my anxiety - and the fact I'm no longer stuck in the house scared to go out makes me really happy, the images are a byproduct of my journey back to a 'normal' life.

Chrissie

t and toast :-)

Well I've got some time to sit back and kick my feet up for a little while, having a little lunch.

I have another little busy spell coming up, Northampton/York like next week arrgghh. So much to organise but really excited as I've never been to either of those areas before for work.

Had a super weekend and was joined by eymc (Eddie) & his model muse Cassie who arrived on Saturday evening. I took them along to my local abandoned and half falling down cottages yesterday to shoot and a forest type area. Since I have shot in the cottage a fair few times Rory and I went for the forest haha. It was pretty torrential rain at this point (I do have one with the rain in it but its not been edited yet). We got some cool shoot then all came back home for a big feast, I didn't realise just how much food i had prepared until the coffee table was full haha.

We all had a play about with random lightup things Rory and I had sitting about and created some really bizarre and trippy images which just scream to be made into desktop backgrounds :-)

They are off to Glencoe today, I was going to go along but I thought it would be nice for them to have a day to themselves and get lost up random little roads in the middle of nowhere plus I have washing to do and my blog to update haha, might even go for a candle lit bath.

I think we are all shooting indoors this evening if they are not too tired from their mammoth travelling about today, i have my fingers crossed that it will stay sunny for them.. When it comes to Scotland I really am like a proud mum hoping that her child behaves (I always hope for good weather).

I have a shit load (sorry for swearing) of images on my laptop but the battery is dead so here are just a couple from my recent shoot with Nick Giles, still waiting on my favourite ones back though and can't wait to see them finished!

Later skaters xxx